805-221-8550 info@almondacres.com

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

This week at Almond Acres, we are studying Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then be Understood. Seeking to understand often requires the skill of listening. Whether as a student, an employee or in a relationship, the skill of listening is essential to learning and knowing a subject or a person deeply.

An Almond Acres Charter Academy student listens intently to another student at the same desk. She is making eye contact and has her body facing the speaker. There are 4 students in red uniform shirts sitting together at a table.

Habit 5 teaches us that good communication begins with empathetic listening. Empathic listening is listening with the sole intent to understand another person within his or her frame of reference. It requires both intent and skill. The key is to truly, honestly desire to understand the other person. We can probably all relate to not being listened to at some point in our lives. It feels terrible–this is the first step to empathy!

Our ego commonly gets in the way of being a good listener. Instead of listening, we make sure that people understand our own point of view first, or only listen autobiographically. When we listen autobiographically, we filter what others say through our own story, experiences, prejudices, biases, and values. We probe by asking questions from our own frame of reference or agenda. We evaluate by agreeing or disagreeing. We advise by giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems. We interpret by trying to figure out or analyze the other person. In short, we are putting ourselves first.

The productive and positive influence is to truly understand another’s point of view first. This practice expresses respect, mutual understanding, empathy, and courage. Great relationships, whether at home, school, or work are built on mutual respect. Loving and respecting others is an act of good listening because we tend to find better solutions to challenges in life when we consider the ideas from both sides to create the best idea. 

When it comes to learning, listening is obviously a must! Students who practice good listening skills become great thinkers. They can’t understand academic skills if they are distracted and not following a lesson. Moreover, asking questions and getting clarification develops greater understanding and makes meaningful connections between subjects and skills.

We believe teaching listening skills is as essential as reading and writing skills. We use a simple 3-step framework to illuminate this practice for all of our K-8 students: 

  1. Practice empathetic listening by asking clarifying questions and not judging the situation as you first see it. Some examples include: 
  • Can you tell me what happened?
  • How do you feel about _____?
  • What do you think led to this situation?
  • You sound really _______. 
  • What do you think is the next right thing to do?
  1. When emotions are high, stand your peaceful ground and don’t jump into the excitement. This will help the other person to connect to their thinking brain because they see you modeling it. 
  1. Respectfully seek to be understood. Once the other person recognizes that you are there to understand and want to help, it’s time to add your input. 
  • “I feel _______ about ________.”
  • “You could be right, however, ________.”
  • “Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. Would you like my opinion?”
  • “That sounds interesting. What do you think about ________?”

Empathetic listening says to the person that you care about who they are, what they are feeling, and are open to helping them. It is a simple skill with a profound impact that we can all practice in our day-to-day lives. 

About AACA

Almond Acres Charter Academy is a public, tuition-free K-8 school that employs credentialed teachers and administers state-mandated testing to provide families in northern SLO County an additional choice in public education. Located in Paso Robles in a newly built, state-of-the-art facility, AACA is open to all students from all communities. AACA’s mission is to help students succeed academically and socially by educating the whole child: heart, mind, body and soul. We grow great kids!

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind

It may be the start of the school year, but our minds are at the end of the year at Almond Acres. The fresh, new school year is the perfect time to look to the future and make plans to grow towards our goals and dreams. 

Habit #2: Begin With the End in Mind is a natural fit for the start of the school year. Dr. Franklin Covey defines this habit as “beginning each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continuing by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.”

What does this look like at Almond Acres? Well, it starts with envisioning our future. We spend time identifying our goals and dreams and then make a plan to get there. We proactively determine where we want our actions to lead us, instead of waiting for someone else to guide our future. We also talk about obstacles that may get in the path of our dreams and how to safely get around such challenges.

An Almond Acres Charter Academy student focuses on a pyramid of cups that he has built. Other students nearby are watching.

Guiding Principles

A successful future is not only built on planning and dreams, but also a foundation of strong character. At Almond Acres, we incorporate a focus on the five TeRRiFiC citizenship traits: trustworthy, respectful, responsible, fair and caring. 

Likely, your hopes and dreams for your child involve integrity and strong character, as well. Success and happiness stands on a foundation of strong character. We help to lay that foundation throughout a child’s entire K-8 experience at AACA. It is not a one-and-done lesson, rather a years-long journey to growing great kids. When our lives are grounded on sound principles, our actions can guide us toward a happier and more successful life.

There is an old saying that “living without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.” A captain with a hand on the rudder guides a ship to its destination. Without a rudder directed by our principles, we can easily stray from our course. Guided by the end in mind and strengthened with the power of positive principles, each and every child can achieve the success they seek and deserve.

Develop a Mission Statement

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit #2 into your life is to develop a personal or family mission statement. A mission statement is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life and can help you keep focused especially when days are difficult. Together with your family, decide upon your guiding principles and dreams for the future and then write it down! Hang it somewhere your whole family can see regularly. 

How have you helped your family begin with the end in mind this school year? Have you set goals for the future? Dinner is a fabulous time to talk with your child about Habit #2 and how to begin with the end in mind.

About AACA

Almond Acres Charter Academy is a public, tuition-free K-8 school that employs credentialed teachers and administers state-mandated testing to provide families in northern SLO County an additional choice in public education. Located in Paso Robles in a newly built, state-of-the-art facility, AACA is open to all students from all communities. AACA’s mission is to help students succeed academically and socially by educating the whole child: heart, mind, body and soul. We grow great kids!